Ho Hauler

I was pulling into my parking area at work this morning, and I see this shady dude sitting on one of the concrete pylons smoking his morning cig, just having woken up. We see this guy fairly often, mostly when he goes off of his meds and goes on a walkabout for a week or two, spending all of his time roaming the streets looking for adventure. We know this, because his wife eventually catches up to him, gets him detoxed, and back home on his meds. She usually comes to our office building to make sure that the kids down in the daycare weren't scared. He never goes near the daycare... he just uses the covered parking to stay warm at night. Seeing him this morning reminded me that its been quite a while since I last saw him, probably close to 5 months. And that episode went like this:

I worked serious overtime that day.. it was dark... and I was spooked about going out to my car alone. There I am.. umbrella ready to beat the hell out of anything that scares me. I'm hot-footing it to my car, when I hear something. I stop dead... trying frantically to see in the dim light whats going on... my car only 4 stalls ahead. No one else around.

I hear a rustling sound, and say a prayer to my Maker, hoping if today is my death day.. that I had on new panties to greet the day would win me points. Cause momma always said.. always put on new panties.. you never know when you are gonna be in an accident and someone might see. *sigh* (she's another story) hehe.

I get a little closer... tiptoeing as best I could, when I smell cigarette smoke, and then hear a man growl. I take 4 more steps to my car thinking I could sneak in and get the hell out of there. I sneak to the left thinking I'd go around from the rear of my car and just as I turn towards the front of it, there in front of me... sitting on the far concrete pylon, is shady dude. Buck assed nekkid, with a hooker kneeling on the dirty ground, and he barks out (in between pulls on his cigarette..... "suck it bitch, it ain't gonna suck itself". Words to live by.

I busted out laffing... couldn't help it. God could have struck me dead but I couldn't stop it from escaping. The fear/funny factor of it just seemed hysterical to me. He just cackles and nodded at me.. holding her head down, "ya'll have a good one" he says.

I get into my car... somehow. Tears rolling from laughing. I start my car and the lights come on, of course putting the pair in spotlights. She's trying like hell to finish her business, and he's just sitting there, leaning against the wall, smoking. Somehow I made it out of there in one piece... but had to pull over just down the way to get the mascara to stop running.

I really do see some if the damnedest things here down in Buttcrack, TN.