Alcohol Warning Labels

I have a very low tolerance for asshole alcoholics. I have no trouble with people that can handle what they drink... and are happy-go-lucky people. I do have a seriously low tolerance for people who have to have liquid courage in order to become the supreme asshole they barely keep hidden when they are sober. It comes from growing up with an alcoholic father, who when drinking conveniently forgot that he had a family... and that his children would be scarred by his cruel words. Anyway... these made me laff :)

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a pig off a shit truck at 100 yards.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.