Tick Tock

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my nieces and nephews, and the wonderful times we had being silly when they were smaller and we lived in the same city. Perhaps my biological clock is going crazy... after all I am getting old you know. When I was 29 and my big milestone birthday was looming, all of my family and friends started their sympathy calling about 2 months in advance. "Ohhhhh are you ok? How are you doing... you know... with THE big birthday coming?" In truth, it didn't bother me in the least. It still doesn't. I love being in my 30's, and I didn't feel the need to have a nervous breakdown just because I was turning 30. They all fretted and worried enough for ten people, so why bother.

I know that I have always loved children, and have always wanted to be able to be a mother and have some of my very own.... today's world though, scares the bejeezus out of me. Does that stop me from wanting? No. Maybe I will have to give this some thought soon, seeing as how it is finally something I am aware of as a woman... in her mid 30's. My oldest niece is now going on 23, and I can remember her birth like it was yesterday. All of her childhood antics are still fresh in my mind, I mean hell I was only 14 when she was born...still a child myself. I have some very special memories of her because she and I were always so close, and I am so proud of the wonderful, kind-hearted and gracious beautiful young lady she has become.

I also know this... my little Irish mother is more concerned that I will be an Old Maid, and leave her without any new little babies to spoil. The round of "OMG you have been married almost 4 years... aren't you pregnant YET!" calls have begun again. Somehow I don't think my snappy retort that I used with her last time will work again. "Ma.. if you want a baby so bad again, how about YOU get knocked up?". Newp... I don't think it will work again. Then again I start reading the medical data that comes through my office with all of the STD and HIV statistics here in the South, and I think.. omg.. what child needs to be brought into this crap? I seriously think that if I were to get pregnant, I would have to leave the south. I refuse to bring a child up in the second most ignorant state in the union as far as education, not to mention the insane racism and attitudes. As if a child doesn't have enough of a struggle just learning life lessons.. they don't need that too.

Ok I just realized I am ranting, and sounded very much like my mother in my head.