Elvis Has Left The Building

Baby Jesus in a chicken basket.

On my weekends away from working down here in this shithole, I tend to embrace fully the sanity of the burb I live in. I am 40 miles away from the madness, and yet it seems like a lifetime. Usually I tend to forget the ignoramus in the silver mustang who likes to tailgate and then cut off anyone within a 2 mile radius, or the fat redhead twat (yes I said TWAT) in the intrepid who swerves through both lanes as she simultaneously talks on her cell phone, brushes her stringy hair, and puts on mascara all while driving through morning traffic. I forget how annoying the student drivers in the 18 wheelers can be, and how edgy the "brothahs" smoking a joint and going 30 in their paranoid state make me. I also forget what happens in the city. And then, on monday morning .. I am slapped in the face in remembrance.

This week, I have all of those things to look forward to... but in addition, it happens to be Elvis Presley's death week. Give me a fucking break already. AND... he would be 70 this year, so they have to make it Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Thousands and thousands of extra idiots converge on the city to mourn. And when I say mourn, I mean gnashing of teeth and wailing, and miles and miles of lines outside Graceland Wall, just to sign and leave your message. Now to be fair.. the only thing I have done at Graceland is to drive by and pull a mooner on the security guard at the gate. I could give 2 fucks. Seriously. And OMG.. my house is bigger than the "mansion". This year, they are also having an all night vigil. FUCK people... he probably OD'd just to get away from you annoying motherfuckers. He's not coming back. Get over yourself.

For those of you who want to be more like the King... and don't have the courage to kill yourself by taking handfulls of all pills known to man, and dying while taking your last shit (very Kinglike huh) here is the recipe of one of the things that was clogging his arteries at a fast pace. He had these daily. Cheers!

Elvis Presley's Grilled Peanut Butterand Banana Sandwich

2 slices of white bread
2 tablespoons of smooth peanut butter
1 small ripe banana mashed

2 tablespoons butter

Spread the peanut butter on one slice of bread and the mashed banana on the other. Press the slices gently together. Melt the butter (or to be truly Elvis-like, melt bacon fat!), over low heat in a small frying pan. Place the sandwich in the pan and fry until golden brown on both sides. Eat it with a glass of buttermilk.

Please note: Elvis tended to eat 12-15 sandwiches a sitting! So belly up to the bar bitch!