Dreams

So I had the dream again. It has been a long long time since I last had the dream, but it still has the power to leave me shaking and in a sweat.

I am playing on the lawn on the side of our very old house in St. John. It is kind of a run-down place to say the least. Dad had brought us here to be around him while he worked... again... but like before, he moved us into some shithole while he was out banging half of the female population. This was the summer that I decided in all of my 5 yrs of wisdom, that I no longer wanted to be called by my real name. So I became Christine. I refused to answer to anything but that, which of course drove my mother to fits.

That year winter came very early, the wind howling and cold off of the Atlantic. I remember playing on the side lawn, with my older sister... just itching to slide down the looooong hill. Mom had threatened us to within an inch of our lives not to go down that hill, because the main highway was at the bottom.

The other kids in the neighborhood all started to sled down the hill, and of course it made us want to all the more. All of the parents seemed on edge, like something was in the air making everyone tense. My sister decided she would try a little run with the other kids, and I watched, looking out for mom. All went well and she zipped right back up the hill in no time, so I thought.. I'M NEXT! Grabbed the crazy karpet, and zoom away I went. Suddenly I see this white truck, slowing down to a stop at the bottom of the hill. All I can feel is sheer blind panic.. something about it scaring me. I'm trying to dig my feet into the snow to stop myself and then finally throwing myself sideways.... the uncontrollable fear and need to get back to the top of the hill overtaking me.

Clawing frantically at the snow, trying to climb back up, but for every step I take... I slide down two more. Screaming for my sister to save me, crying... sobbing... begging. My strength gone, I slide all the way to the bottom, to the ditch.... and there waiting is a man. A big scary man, and I can't see his face, but he grabs me, and I scream out to my sister again.... "SAVE ME!". Fast forward to spring, and the water is thawed, the snow is gone, and the birds are singing, and I am looking down at a pond, at myself.... and I am cut up into cubes and floating in the pond.

And then I wake up screaming.

I found out after about 3 years of this dream every night, that at the same time I started having these dreams, there was a man in the area, with a white truck, kidnapping young girls my age, and sexually molesting them, then cutting them up. Also, the part of my dream where I am at the hill with my sister sledding, was apparently true, and there was the white truck, and I did slide down and have a lot of trouble coming back up, but my mother heard me screaming and came to the rescue. I cannot remember it as being real, all I recall is the terror of the dream. The rest I have blocked out, and it only comes back to me in my dream. I stopped being "Christine" that winter.

I don't like the feeling it leaves me with.... at all.