Pass it On

Thankyou Sam :)

I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope that they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and that it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think!

I've learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you have finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you far too soon, and all the less important ones never go away.

I've learned that you should pass this along, something good might happen. If not, tough shit! LOL

Puff The Magic Dragon

I know, I know. It seems like my blog has a theme in the pictures lately. Smut. But really that wasn't/isn't my intention. Sometimes I see things and they just stop me and make me think "WTF??" Take these photos for example. A very VERY good friend of mine in Canada is a fabulously talented air brush artist, who does the most amazing work ever on bikes, cars, leather, you name it. He is also a musician (go figure), and one of the sexiest men walking, even though he really has no clue that he is. I have known him since I was in grade 5, and fell in love with him that first early September morning. He knows this, and the feelings have always been very mutual. We have woven in and out of each others lives for years, and have always had this certain ESP with each other. I always know when he needs me, and I call.... and he does the same with me.

But, I digress.

Being the artist that he is... he is involved with many artsy fartsy other people... not to mention that he subscribes to various biker/tattoo/airbrush magazines. So this morning I get an email from him... with the following picture attached. All he could say was "fucking OUCH". He wasn't sure if it would be more painful to have done, or to do it to someone. LOL Men. Why is it that they flinch even when its someone else's doinker involved.

So.. I now present to you.. Puff The Magic Dragon.

Tenjewberrymuds!

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

When all else fails...

Oh yeah... and the camaro... won 3rd place in a car show on the weekend. Not too shabby if I say so myself.... here is the car...

Loony Limericks

This has been a week of laughter for me. Don't get me wrong, I needed it... badly. I have sorta taken on the attitude this week, that the rest of the world can kiss my rosey arse, I am going to stop and smell the flowers a bit. Or in this case, I am going to stop and laugh said arse off :). In our family it was sort of a contest, to be able to remember and recite at will limericks that were a tad raunchy, with the faces and body language silly enough to make everyone laugh. Enjoy, and if you have one you would like to share, please do!

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There once was a man from milas
Whose balls were made of fine brass
One night in stormy weather
They clanged together
And sparks shot out his ass

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Pickled pepper picker Peter Piper
Pined to pack his pecker in a porker
He poked a porker's pucker
With his pepper-pickers pecker
Now he's Peter Piper Porker Pucker Poker!

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If there's shit on your hat, then declare it.
As for me, I don't think I could bear it.
It was dropped by a foo,
(A big bird at the zoo,)
And if the foo shits you must wear it

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Her lips were as pink as a rooster's dink,
Her hair was horse-shit brown,
Her tits hung loose,
Like the balls of a moose
As she trucked all over town.

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Before you should venture to shack her,
Or boldly try to attack her,
Please don't be a bubba.
Just reach for a rubba.
You should first put a wrap on your wacker!

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Those long lovely legs on Ms. Fitz
I'd sure like to see where they quits!
I know it's somewhere
In a soft patch of hair
Just north of the place where she sits!

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Speechless

Ok, so everyone is getting tagged and tagging and tea... er.. nevermind that part... but I noticed that some are about music, some are about lists of favorite movies or things, some are lists about the writer personally. I saw some that are the lists of famous people they would sex up.

Well I have one that I don't rightly care if he is famous or not, but I am relatively sure that even the men will be speechless over this.

Careful... adult content :).

I'll leave tissues at the door.

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell ! Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."


20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile.

Its Called therapy.

Freaky Friday

So after a week of sickness, and feeling like poo, I thought I would post a couple of things to make us all laugh. Especially me. Enjoy :) psst.... and Pepe...skrimp boy... you thought he was good with his drawings! haha!