He loves me, he loves me not

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West

Spit or Swallow

The topic for the day seems to be some variation of blowjobs. Whether is the informational assistance that we receive from the linked site... or in general discussions. I was going to refrain from making a comment, until I went down the hall to drop off some papers, and overheard the Psychology students discussing the merits of cocksucking. First, let me say that todays "youth" (and I use that lightely because I still consider myself to be young) seem to have no perception of appropriateness, or even that sex should mean something. It's like its just something they all do.. with everyone.. in front of everyone... and kinky? Whats that? But I digress.

They were all standing around talking about what it means if a "chick" spits or swallows.... and how lazy she is if she does. I actually cackled out loud at that one.... and the young studly geek swings and looks at me and I said first of all.. until you have sucked cock, and tasted one that wasn't such a treat.. lets not talk about lazy... unless of course you enjoy having balls across your chin and are just trying to pretend to be cool? He backed off....understandably.

So I then asked.. well why would you think that it means a woman is lazy? He went on about how well he meant to say it depended on how well they knew you.. and if they trusted you... blah blah *snore*. At this point a few noticed the glazed over look in my eye.... and I said.. you know.. you will do well in this business... bore the fuck out of me for an hour and still charge $100.

Tee Hee.

Then somehow they started talking about Clinton, and one guy said, "I just can't understand why the leader of the free world would hook up with a broad who doesn't swallow." Umm. Whoa. He went on with some blather about it, the girls laughing like the good little braindead twits they are, and the guys guffaw'ing mostly because the first dude is talking about cocksucking in public. What guy wouldn't chuckle at that? So I pipe up with, "you mean to tell me that the most common assumption for the stain on the blue dress is because Monica is a lazy cocksucker and didn't really want to swallow Bill Clintons Jizz? Or that perhaps she was SO lazy that she couldn't possibly spit it into something like a SINK... that she had to drool said jizz on herself? "

Of course, Junior Mint did not have a reply... and I just laughed in my wicked little way.... and just said quietly... perhaps you should try a more mature woman.. who knows what she wants, and then we can talk about cocksucking again.

*teehee* I love LOVE love being in my 30's.

PimpMe!

Ok so I had to do this... it was one of those things that is too funny to NOT try. And once you start, it is very hard to stop putting in the names of all the people you know....

My pimp name is... "Sugartastic P. Ice"

Try yours.. and let me know what your Pimp name is :)

http://www.playerappreciate.com/pimphandle.asp

Why Me Lord?

Well, today begins a new day of adventure in my household. You see, my step-daughter... my adult step daughter, moved back in quite unexpectedly yesterday. I am feeling a variety of emotions about it, and am trying to be positive about the whole experience. I wasn't blogging back when I first moved here and got married, although I think it would have been very theraputic for me at the time. Sometimes I cannot believe how fast time has gone by, and other times I feel like I've been here for freakin ever! My step daughter was very against her father being happy. After all, shouldn't his life completely revolve around what she and her brother want every.single.minute? She was not just pouting and behaving like a spoiled child. She was 18 going on 19, and declared full out war. She slammed doors, stole everything she could from me, even stupid things like when I would take out meat from the freezer for dinner and leave it thawing while I was at work... she would invite someone over and cook it during the day just to spite me. Ohhh yessss sports fans, Pammy was a happy camper. I was very gracious, and trying to be understanding, and quite frankly, had they been small children who were missing their mom, I would have been even more understanding. But the truth was, he was a single dad for 10 years before he married me, and one was an adult while the other was 16. Come on.

I tried reasoning, I tried talking, there were punishments (and believe me I AM consistent), and every other sane thing I could come up with. I feared being the typical "evil step parent", and I resented that she was trying to mess with my marriage right from the beginning. My husband and I had been married for 4 months, and during that time we had not been out alone together once. We planned a night out, dinner and movie etc, and had a great time. We got home at 11:30pm to find that the exorcist had taken over my step daughter. "How dare you take her out and not me?! How dare you leave me alone? You can't love her AND me, it has to only be one of us!? My response? *SLAP* Snap the fuck outta it!

Heeehee.. hohoHA!

It was much deserved, and quite timely, and it did shut her up. It did not, however, do very good things for my husband. You see, he has trouble remembering that she is a grown woman, and sees her as this helpless little girl (that manipulated the fuck out of him when her mother left them). And she has made sure that he has paid dearly. Every minute that she is in the house has to be about her. If there is a conversation going on, about anything, even serious issues, she will butt in and immediately go, "uh yeah, but about me.... blah blah blah". Very annoying.

The last time she lived with us, she was told that she had to go and be responsible for herself. Get a job, pay her rent, and be productive. This of course, came after a run in with me, and her father had (thankfully) had enough. I had been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, and it turned our lives upside down. My OB was amazing and had me scheduled for surgery within 10 days of diagnosis. That was the worst 10 days of my life. Of course my husband was strong and completely focused with me on overcoming this, and it took away his attention from my step daughter. He went to work as usual during those days, but I was at home, alternating between stressing the hell out and trying to get lots done before my 6-8 week recovery time from surgery. This was the time that she decided that she could get me to "finally" react, and do something so aggregious that her father would make me leave. Anyone who knows anything about cancer and about surgery, knows that the key is to lower the stress. Not this spawn of my husbands loins. Nooo. Here I was in a strange country, without any family or support, without my best friend... hell without A friend, and I was going through this. Will's had to be drawn up, calls were made, wishes were written down. You name it, I did it.

The day before my surgery was D-Day. The day my well laid plans to remain respectable came to an end. Before that day I was the commander of my own emotions, and not once did I waiver. I was the most bitchin step mom ever! I rocked bitches! *sigh* But I digress. I woke up anxious, because they would not know the extent of my cancer until they went in, and I was a wreck. I stayed in our room, and just turned on music, laid in the jacuzzi and tried to relax. My mistake was going down to the kitchen to get some water to drink. She was there, and she was not happy that she was being ignored. She walked by me, between me and the island, while Im getting water and her sole purpose for this was to shoulder me... trying to get me going. I Put my glass down slowly in the sink, backed away while she spit fireworks out of her ass and calmly said... 'today would not be a good day to try this, because today, I will meet you there, and I will knock your teeth down your throat. You choose." I turned to go back upstairs, and I get pushed from behind and "FUCK YOU!" yelled at me. 10, 9, 8, 7, (hold my breath) 6, 5, " what are you gonna do about that bitch?" 4, 3,2,1. I turned and just said between clenched teeth... back off. BAM, pushes again and raised a fist, and thats when pammy blacked out, saw red, the fuse reached capacity. All I know is that she ended up on her ass, in the middle of the floor.. holding both her nose and her ass.... and I was standing over her with my foot on her chest, screaming like a banshee at her to not move or I would make sure she couldn't get up again. I picked up the phone, dialed my unsuspecting husband, and when he picked up... "You better come get your fucking daughter before I kill her. NOW!" I think he drove the 40 miles in record time, and it was a reckoning that I am sure she didn't count on. And I ... was not very proud.

For now, I am trying to be positive, and remain calm. I'll keep you posted.

Hello Pinocchio!

Have you ever had a friend that you thought the world of, respected highly and admired, only to find out that in the end they have been more dishonest than the average joe, because its been an intentional campaign to lie to you? Honesty is a perception thing. It all depends on what your personal definition is. We all either lie by omission, or tell those "oh its in their best interest" lies, and I am not talking about that. I am talking about when two people take the time to become friends, and move past the acquaintance stage to share deeply personal and intimate details of our lives. To laugh and share and cry and just be able to "fellowship" with each other. And then you find out that no... the other person isn't realllllly like that, ha HA! the jokes on you!

I discovered several things in the past few days, completely by accident mind you and completely on my own without the malicious aid of some backstabbing asshole who just wants to cause shit (you know the kind Im talking about). At first I was like hmm.. well.. isnt that interesting. Kinda irked, but not necessarily enough to say something. After all, I am a big believer in people having the right to do as they see fit, so long as it doesn't directly affect me. I am also a very loyal friend who knows how to keep her mouth shut, and when to give a kick in the pants when deserved. Oh yeah, and I would never let a girlfriend go out in an outfit that made her arse look 12 axehandles wide, no matter how much she loved the material! After a couple of days of mulling it over, I just had to write about it. This person doesn't know what I have discovered, and I am not even sure that it is worth it now to try and go beyond this hurt, because we have been down this road before. We have discussed boundaries and friendship, and the issues that I discovered were questions asked directly before, and apparently lied to about. I know this all sounds mysterious and sinister, and I refuse to tell the name of my friend, because I have more class than that. But if you either hook me up with Matthew McConnaghy or tie me up with Wonder Woman's Truth Rope, I could be broken. :)

I am a detail person. I always pay attention to them, and I always am very thorough with anything I do. So my motto is, if you are gonna lie and don't want to look like a fool... don't do it around me. It's not honesty that is the issue so much as it is the trust that gets broken when someone decides to intentionally be an ass. I know that I personally have had a lot of people either misunderstand who I am, or just assume that I am something based on a comment I have made, or a rumor someone else has started. I don't play that game either. I will always come to you if I have a concern, and you matter to me. I am also pretty approachable if you want to ask me something as well. I just personally don't hang my shit out for people to take potshots at a whole lot.

As for my "friend".. I only have this advice.

You must exercise the most extraordinary integrity, because you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. You are better than this.

Poseys

I have been a gardening freak this year. It's like everything I see I want to plant around the property somewhere. And really, if you like to work in the soil, it is so comforting. With the humidity and the heat, it makes everything grow at hyper speed it seems. The magnolia tree that started out 3 summers ago, at 3 feet high, is now about 15 feet high and blossoming like crazy. I love it!

I also have pink hydrangea, periwinkle hydrangea, both pink and red hibiscus, amaryllis, 5 kinds of lillies, 3 kinds of daffodils hollybush hedges, and various kinds of green and/or flowering shrubs. I also discovered the Angel Trumpet vine that grows all over the place here, with the most delicious looking orange/red trumpet flowers! I'm getting that to climb my trellis now. My blackberries are growing fat and juicy, and and .. maters are the size of grapefruits!

The top left is wisteria... need I say more. Its just dreamy and romantic. *sigh*. The top right is a magnolia blossom. When did I become Martha?