Grab a neck and squeeze..

Have you ever felt the overwhelming need to do that to someone? Choke the shit out of them, or just whap them in the back of the head? I have a low tolerance for intentional ignorance, and an even lower one for people who think of nothing but themselves. For as tough as I may seem to some people, I am a pussy cat.. really. I am always very considerate of others, polite when I drive, gracious to even complete strangers. Until you try to take advantage, hurt someone I love, try to ridicule me, or just generally behave like a dumbass. Insecurities cause a lot of people to behave like retards, and they don't realize that we can all see through the shallow attempts at coolness, or attractiveness. It just makes them more unappealing. I find it extremely interesting to watch people. Whether it be in life, or when I am on line. Two-faced people come in all colors and sizes.... and I find it quite humorous to see which face they use around different people. It says a lot about them, and how insecure they really are. I keep so much of my own personal life to myself, because really... there have been precious few that I felt I could trust enough to be open with. They know who they are, and I am forever grateful for them.

I have been making some big changes in my life.. and I will blog about it I am sure when I am ready. The ones I am happy about... 3 years since I stopped smoking. If only I could get my mom to give up the ghost too.

I got some pictures in the mail yesterday, from my best friend in Canada, of her and her two children. My god I miss them so much, and I am sick that I am missing those babies grow up! Babies~ What am I saying... they are 12 and 5. Jesus. I have missed too much. I was there when they were born. In the delivery room. What an amazing thing. I was 3rd to hold them.. I fed them, bathed them, changed them, laughed and cried with them.. they are my family. I am thinking about planning a trip to see them... it is time. I also want to plan a trip here in the US... with someone I know... a girl friend.... to just have a ladies weekend at a spa or something. Too many times us women forget to make time for ourselves. We are usually too busy "doing" for others.

The one thing that keeps me sane.. is a great sense of humor. Even in trying times, or in times when reflecting, I can alway find something to make me laugh. The gif that I shared... is one of them :).

Happy hump day!

Signs Signs, Everywhere the Signs

Oh, M'Gawd. I saw this and had to share! I laffed my effing ass off.

True Thing... an actual signpost seen by Joe:

• Tattoos!
• Body Piercing!
• Back To School Supplies!
  

Because nothing says "Back To School" like a Prince Albert.

He answered the call...

Regardless of whether or not one believes in the war in Iraq, and regardless of whether or not you like/hate GW... we are in it people... and every day there are young men and women fighting for our rights... however misguided, or how true they are. They don't care if you flipped your neighbor the bird, they don't care if you show your ignorance every day by being inconsiderate, they don't even care if you obey the laws or not. They simply answered the call, and are there, protecting your right to be as you please.

I attended Graduation ceremonies for my stepson this weekend. He graduated from Military Police Academy, and accomplished much more than just learning how to keep the peace. He became a man while he was in bootcamp, and in school. He learned about himself, and what is important to him, and I must say that I am so very proud of him. It was kind of bittersweet in a way for us. There is a long line of military service in the family. His father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, two uncles, and great grandfather etc, etc, have served and covered all branches of the service. He joined because he knew he was on his way to being a Thug, and knew that he needed the discipline that this would bring. We all knew that he would find himself along the way, and discover what he truly wanted. The bittersweet part of it is that in addition to discovering himself and his life goals, he also learned that he will be going to Iraq in the next 3 to 6 months. He will be keeping the peace, in a land where there has been no peace for much longer than the USA has been participating in wars. He will be keeping the peace, in a place where a great number of citizens will heed the call and try to kill "americans". He hugged me tight on his graduation day, and said... "Don't worry, I really do know what I want. I would rather go there and keep peace, than have to stay in my homeland and have them come here to kill those I love."

What a long way we have come.. he and I. He stood tall, and looked so handsome in his dress uniform. He looked me in the eye with the mischief and humor that has always been there, but I could also see the look of a man, who knows what is in store.

So, whatever your beliefs are, and whomever you pray to, please remember him in your thoughts and prayers. Here is what our future looks like.

Konichiwa Bitches!

Directions: Go to musicoutfitters and put your birth year into the search field. The first link is likely the top 100 songs of that year. Cut and paste that list here. Bold the ones you actually like. Understand that the word "like" in this case means, at the very least, that you wouldn't immediately change the radio station. Pick a favorite and indicate it in italics.

Top Songs of 1968

1. Hey Jude, The Beatles
2. Honey, Bobby Goldsboro
3. Love Is Blue, Paul Mauriat
4. (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay, Otis Redding
5. People Got To Be Free, Rascals
6. Sunshine Of Your Love, Cream
7. This Guy's In Love With You, Herb Alpert
8. Stoned Soul Picnic, Fifth Dimension
9. Mrs. Robinson, Simon and Garfunkel
10. Tighten Up, Archie Bell and The Drells
11. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, Hugo Montenegro
12. Little Green Apples, O.C. Smith
13. Mony, Mony, Tommy James and The Shondells
14. Hello, I Love You, The Doors
15. Young Girl, Gary Puckett and The Union Gap
16. Cry Like A Baby, Box Tops
17. Harper Valley P.T.A., Jeannie C. Riley - ( usually sang this into my hairbrush!)
18. Grazing In The Grass, Hugh Masekela
19. Midnight Confessions, The Grass Roots
20. Dance To The Music, Sly and The Family Stone
21. The Horse, Cliff Nobles and Co.
22. I Wish It Would Rain, Temptations
23. La-La Means I Love You, Delfonics
24. Turn Around, Look At Me, Vogues
25. Judy In Disguise (With Glasses), John Fred and His Playboy Band
26. Spooky, Classics IV
27. Love Child, Diana Ross and The Supremes
28. Angel Of The Morning, Merrilee Rush
29. The Ballad Of Bonnie And Clyde, Georgie Fame
30. Those Were The Days, Mary Hopkin
31. Born To Be Wild, Steppenwolf
32. Cowboys To Girls, Intruders
33. Simon Says, 1910 Fruitgum Company
34. Lady Willpower, Gary Puckett and The Union Gap
35. A Beautiful Morning, Rascals
36. The Look Of Love, Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66
37. Hold Me Tight, Johnny Nash
38. Yummy, Yummy, Yumm-Ohio Express ("I want your love in my tummy" HA)
39. Fire , Crazy World Of Arthur Brown
40. Love Is All Around, Troggs
41. Playboy, Gene and Debbe
42. (Theme From) Valley Of The Dolls, Dionne Warwick
43. Classical Gas, Mason Williams
44. Slip Away, Clarence Carter
45. Girl Watcher, O'Kaysions
46. (Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You've Been Gone, Aretha Franklin
47. Green Tambourine, Lemon Pipers
48. 1, 2, 3, Red Light, 1910 Fruitgum Company
49. Reach Out Of The Darkness, Friend and Lover
50. Jumpin' Jack Flash, The Rolling Stones
51. MacArthur Park, Richard Harris
52. Light My Fire, Jose Feliciano
53. I Love You, People
54. Take Time To Know Her, Percy Sledge
55. Pictures Of Matchstick Men, Status Quo
56. Summertime Blues, Blue Cheer
57. Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing, Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell
58. I Got The Feelin', James Brown and The Famous Flames
59. I've Gotta Get A Message To You, Bee Gees
60. Lady Madonna, The Beatles
61. Hurdy Gurdy Man, Donovan
62. Magic Carpet Ride, Steppenwolf
63. Bottle Of Wine, Fireballs
64. Stay In My Corner, Dells
65. Soul Serenade, Willie Mitchell
66. Delilah, Tom Jones
67. Nobody But Me, Human Beinz
68. I Thank You, Sam and Dave
69. The Fool On The Hill, Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66
70. Sky Pilot, Eric Burdon and The Animals
71. Indian Lake, The Cowsills
72. I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight, Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart
73. Over You, Gary Puckett and The Union Gap
74. Goin' Out Of My Head / Can't Take My Eyes Off You, The Lettermen
75. Shoo-Bee-Doo-Be-Doo-Da-Day, Stevie Wonder
76. The Unicorn, The Irish Rovers
77. (You Keep Me) Hangin' On, Vanilla Fudge
78. Revolution, The Beatles
79. Woman, Woman, Gary Puckett and The Union Gap
80. Elenore, Turtles
81. Sweet Inspiration, Sweet Inspirations
82. The Mighty Quinn, Manfred Mann
83. Baby, Now That I've Found You, Foundations
84. White Room, Cream
85. If You Can Want, Smokey Robinson and The Miracles
86. Cab Driver, The Mills Brothers
87. Time Has Come Today, The Chambers Brothers
88. Do You Know The Way To San Jose, Dionne Warwick
89. Scarborough Fair / Canticle, Simon and Garfunkel
90. Think, Aretha Franklin <----- My Favorite in the list :) 91. You're All I Need To Get By, Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell 92. Here Comes The Judge, Shorty Long 93. I Say A Little Prayer, Aretha Franklin
94. Say It Loud, I'm Black And I'm Proud
95. Sealed With A Kiss, Gary Lewis and The Playboys
96. Piece Of My Heart, Big Brother and The Holding Company
97. Suzie Q., Creedence Clearwater Revival
98. Bend Me Shape, American Breed
99. Hey, Western Union Man, Jerry Butler
100. Never Give You Up, Jerry Butler

Subject: I Wish This Weren't True

**This is an actual letter posted in the paper**


I have been a Travel Agent for thirty years in Washington, DC. Here are examples why we might just be in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa." Her response (click).

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!"

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map."

5. An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on luggage tags? I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into it (I was actually laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, what ever!"

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.

Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in.

Music Tag

For Cheri


I never do these sorts of things! But Cheri made me do it. However, I am not passing it on! heh.,

I am supposed to list five songs that I am currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs I am really enjoying right now.

1. The Jook Joint - Tony D. (whole album)( my friend and amazing guitarist~ Go Buy it!)

• if you like the blues, or just a fan of great musicianship, give this man a try. One of the most soulful people I have had the pleasure to know!

2. Jealous Again - Black Crowes

3. Torn - Natalie Imbruglia

4. It's Bad You Know - RL Burnside

5. Fool For Your Stockings - ZZ Top

What in the.....

As you know by now, my step daughter has decided that she is a lesbian now. The reason I say it this way, is because there are many reasons why I believe she is just going through this period of exploration and doesn't really quite know what she wants. I won't go into graphic personal detail, but lets just say that some of the sexual practices within the community are something she refuses to do. Nuff Said.

This all brings about very interesting conversations in our house, as she tries her utmost to talk about things in a worldly way to make herself look cool. What she didn't count on was that I am not like most typical parents (or older people *eyeroll*). I happen to have several gay friends (male and female), I happen to know a whole lot about bdsm etc, and am very wise and well read on many aspects of life. So when she tries to get some shock value out of bringing up various genital piercings at the dinner table (classy isn't it?), she usually tends to be a little set back when I say things like.. "Oh why would you want your tongue pierced 'to enhance sexual stimulation' when you refuse to go down on a woman?". *laff*

Anyway... she has shaved her head, which has completely disgusted her father, because she had the most gorgeous shoulder length sandy blonde hair that most women would scratch a bitches eyes out for. She decided that she needed to forsake femininity and exchange all of the accoutrements that go along with being a woman, like bras and panties and shoes and hair products, for skater wear, mens boxer shorts, mens shoes, binding her breasts to look like she has none, and shaving her head. Now keep in mind she HATES it when we go to the mall and people stare at her all shocked. Not to mention that she cannot carry of the diesel dyke impersonation very well while looking like a timid pup. She just doesn't have the road hard put away wet tude down. Thank God.

I have no idea why it seems to be so important to the younger people of today to lable themselves something, anything. Why being gay or bisexual is the new "fad". Don't get me wrong. I am far from being a prude, but I am a realist, and I do know that sex, even when done for the sake of just being sex, can be damaging to some who have no blessed idea who, what, or why they are doing what they do. Sex has become just something everyone does.... and usually with whomever comes along. What I find the most sad, is that in this day and time, with all of the advancements, education and liberation, the US is gradually having several epidemics happen, and people just dont seem to care. AIDs is morphing again, STD's are highly on the rise, especially in the 15 - 30 yr old bracket. And Im talking about things like syphillis, gonorrhea, herpes,... all things that "USED" to be taught and educated about, with many ways to prevent them, are now rampant again. No wonder young people are confused.

The newest thing she wants are tattoos, face piercings and she was even looking at having lacing done. For those of you that don't know, this is what it looks like.

Heaven help us.

And I'm Gonna Snap

This week has been the week from hell. Today is our annual audit day, and you would think that the rest of the people I work with, would be prepared. After all, the whole reason for having the audit is to a) make sure we aren't breaking any privacy laws, and are working cases properly, and b) to have our performance documented so that we continue to GET FUNDING! Hello... I think having a steady job is kind of a neat concept, dont you? We were notified 3 months ago that today would be the big day. We were even given a heads up about which cases they wanted to pull from, as well as various and sundry reports they wanted ready. Could it be any easier? I hopped to it, and made sure to pencil in my tasks, leaving the final reports for this week. All I had to do was hit print.

That was until Tuesday, at 3:45 pm.

That was when my boss decided to lay out some big long-winded thing about what someone "forgot" to do, and blah blah, yak yak, blah.. I need you to do this k? Now I fully realize that where my work is concerned, I am a serious over-achiever. I realize that not many people are going to be as anal retentive about stuff as I am, nor are they able to work well under pressure... like I am.. and I accept that. What chaps my ass is that when you have this trait people around you tend to dump all kinds of shit on you.. fully expecting you to bail them out and they take all the credit. Pffft. They can eat my ass with a spoon. I did it again... and now the auditor is raving about how organized things are. HELLO! Do you see the bags under my eyes from staying up all night? *sigh*. I did tell my boss this morning though, that I would no longer do that. They are on their own.

Is it 4:30 yet... cause I have a jug of margueritas with my name all over it... somewhere!

Elvis Has Left The Building

Baby Jesus in a chicken basket.

On my weekends away from working down here in this shithole, I tend to embrace fully the sanity of the burb I live in. I am 40 miles away from the madness, and yet it seems like a lifetime. Usually I tend to forget the ignoramus in the silver mustang who likes to tailgate and then cut off anyone within a 2 mile radius, or the fat redhead twat (yes I said TWAT) in the intrepid who swerves through both lanes as she simultaneously talks on her cell phone, brushes her stringy hair, and puts on mascara all while driving through morning traffic. I forget how annoying the student drivers in the 18 wheelers can be, and how edgy the "brothahs" smoking a joint and going 30 in their paranoid state make me. I also forget what happens in the city. And then, on monday morning .. I am slapped in the face in remembrance.

This week, I have all of those things to look forward to... but in addition, it happens to be Elvis Presley's death week. Give me a fucking break already. AND... he would be 70 this year, so they have to make it Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Thousands and thousands of extra idiots converge on the city to mourn. And when I say mourn, I mean gnashing of teeth and wailing, and miles and miles of lines outside Graceland Wall, just to sign and leave your message. Now to be fair.. the only thing I have done at Graceland is to drive by and pull a mooner on the security guard at the gate. I could give 2 fucks. Seriously. And OMG.. my house is bigger than the "mansion". This year, they are also having an all night vigil. FUCK people... he probably OD'd just to get away from you annoying motherfuckers. He's not coming back. Get over yourself.

For those of you who want to be more like the King... and don't have the courage to kill yourself by taking handfulls of all pills known to man, and dying while taking your last shit (very Kinglike huh) here is the recipe of one of the things that was clogging his arteries at a fast pace. He had these daily. Cheers!

Elvis Presley's Grilled Peanut Butterand Banana Sandwich

2 slices of white bread
2 tablespoons of smooth peanut butter
1 small ripe banana mashed

2 tablespoons butter

Spread the peanut butter on one slice of bread and the mashed banana on the other. Press the slices gently together. Melt the butter (or to be truly Elvis-like, melt bacon fat!), over low heat in a small frying pan. Place the sandwich in the pan and fry until golden brown on both sides. Eat it with a glass of buttermilk.

Please note: Elvis tended to eat 12-15 sandwiches a sitting! So belly up to the bar bitch!

Dear Fucker...

So this whole blogging thing has been playing on my mind as of late. I've been cruising around looking at what other folks are writing about, just to sorta see how people use their blogs. Some of them use it as a very theraputic thing, working out all of their demons through writing, some just keep tract of happenings like a journal, and some just use it to entertain the masses. Some are extremely funny, and some... are just... schmegma. I realized several things while cruising around. Most of them about myself. I have changed... a whole lot. But, to be fair, when I was younger (not that Im old now damnit), but when I was between 18 & 25, and enjoying the rock and roll life... footloose and fancy free, I still wasn't the head case that most young people of that age group seem to be nowadays. What ever happened to people teaching their young to be responsible ( I dont mean square, I mean common sense)?

I haven't really decided if I want to "use" my blog in a certain way. I kind of like just posting willy nilly when the mood strikes, and about whichever topic is on my mind that day. I have no agenda, I just like venting my own thoughts in this way.. like another friend said... just changed from paper diary to electronic.

I love to read, and do so voraciously. I like the entertainment that some offer, and I like the insight that others seem to have a knack for writing about. The fluff... well.. I am sure there are many who thrive on empty headed , bubble brained blather - just not this chickadee. To me it is just sad, that with all of the advances in technology....there seems to be such a loss in the area of personal betterment and knowledge.

But hey.. these are just my opinions. And you know what they say about opinions right? Opinions are like assholes... everyone has one, and they usually stink.

Knuckle Draggin Retards

Like I said earlier this morning, the world is full of knuckle draggin retards... especially in the part of the world I currently live in. I am eternally frustrated by the morons who cut me off daily, trying to squeeze between my TRUCK, and the other vehicle in front of me... but silly me.. they think they can because I am the only one on the highway who doesn't tailgate! I actually leave *gasp* enough room between my vehicle and the next, just in case i have to slow down..quickly! Not to mention the gang-bangers that get a hair up their ass for no reason, and decided.. oooh.. lets just pick on a woman, and see if we can dive at her car with ours, and make her cry. They only do this to me when I drive my sportscar to work, which thankfully isn't so often anymore. The truck lets me know that I can take them out, if the need arises. Teehee. I've seen them pull out a gun, try and run me off the side of the road, actually succeed with drivers right in front of me. You name it.. I see it on my hour long commute each way. Not to mention that they are doing construction on the freeway (for 2 fucking years now), and our detour is through the heart of the ghetto. Great.

I think I mentioned this before, but one day last summer, I was driving in, and I stopped at a light. Now keep in mind, that in this ghetto, I pass drug dealers, gangs and whores, daily. There sitting on the curb was a crack whore.... obviously strung out, with the nastiest dirty clothes on smoking a cigarette, or should I say letting it hang by itself off of her lip. When she realizes that the traffic is stopped.. and windows are down, she starts yellin... "You want some of this... LOOK BITSCHHH (slurring of course)"... so I see in my rearview mirror that all of us are going to look... she pulls her legs up to her chest... along with her skirt... then spreads em for the whole road to see her nasty crackwhore self.... spreads herself wide and yells, "Now THATS what Im talkin about!" Cackling. Welcome to my world motherfuckers.