Out! Damned Spot!

I spent some time on the weekend, just reflecting back on fun or interesting times long ago. Ok ok! I confess, I spent the time reflecting because my self induced marguerita haze made it so that my legs could not move my arse up off the patio to do anything else. It was fun though, remembering the psychotic episodes of certain family members, and all the hilarity I have had at their expenses. It's really not my fault that I was born with this sense of humor, and the lightening fast sadistic streak impulse that races through my body and sits on my shoulder in little demon Vixx form purely to egg me on to make fun of the batshit insane, or just fatally stupid people that surround me. It's not my fault... really. I just really happen to love those hysterical times where the good angel says, "*gasp* oh no we must not laugh at your sister while she slipped off the curb and broke her ankle, even though shes laying there with her skirt above her head and you don't know yet if she is seriously hurt", only to have the demon pull the strings on your lips and you find yourself standing on the sidewalk, mouth agape and you hear some maniac laughing fiendishly "heee ho ho ho oooh gawd my guts hurt... bwahahaha", and you suddenly realize that it is YOU!

What struck my fancy as being so funny, this past weekend... was remembering when my mother was in the hospital about 10 years ago for colon cancer surgery. After hanging out in the waiting room with my two sisters, my mother's best friend, my useless step father (at the time) and my father, and watching the two men have this silent pissing contest for 4 hours, we were allowed to go in and see her 3 at a time. My two sisters and I went first, and if you knew the heirarchy of the family, you would know that I am the strong one, to do'er, the one to go to when you need someone who will not only have a super duper fun plan in place... but also the nuts to follow through. So there we are, at her bedside, she in all her drug induced glory passing in and out of consciousness, being the attentive well behaved daughters that she always wanted. I went to her side, stroking her hair, "momma, we love you and we are here when you wake up". This got a couple of twitches from her, so the other two came up on the other side and proceeded to just talk and stroke her arm.

Well. Why did we not know that morphine and my mother are not a good combination? She started flailing and striking out with her arms, at the same time moaning because she was moving and it HURT! Suddenly her eyes opened wide... I'm talking bug-eyed, shit house rat crazy looking, stared straight at me while my hand is on her arm trying to calm her, and she screeched in that lovely exorcist way, "OUT DEMONS...LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

My two rosebud sisters crumpled and started bawling in shock, not really knowing what to do, but figuring something must really be wrong with our mother. Me? I threw my head back with both hands on my hips and started roaring laughing! It was so priceless. And deep down, we all know that my dear, sweet, God fearing mother waited 30 years to tell one of her children how she really felt. I was never offended... no, dear hearts. Because since I was the sweet and pure (dont choke now) age of 15, I knew that one day, they all would be fodder in a book that I would write.

Haaa haaa,.. heee ho ho ho gawd my guts hurt! Bwahahaaha!

Cursed!

I think that I must be cursed. Either that or I was a motherfucker in my last life. I have been living in the US now for 4.5 years, and have literally not had one moment of peace. Drama! It seems to be the way things are done down here. Between health issues in my own family and my outlaws, it seems that everyone loves wallowing in their own shit and have not realized that living stress free makes for a happy MsVixx. Seriously.. what in the hell is wrong with these people?!

Just since January we have dealt with my father having serious surgery, my sister's husband leaving her for another woman, my step-son joining the army, my step-daughter causing shit every other fucking week, my father-in-law getting a divorce and then promptly shacking up with a new Exorcist before its even final, a close friend's 22 yr old daughter going missing and then eventually discovered murdered in a nasty BDSM/Satanic ritualistic manner by a co-worker she had met 5 days before going missing, my step daughter deciding that she's a lesbian this year and shaving her head bald and binding her breasts, and just last week my mother having a heart attack. Can I get a break please?

I need a vacation... a serious one. Not one where I'm going to a wedding or a funeral... but one away from it all. I'll be the one sipping martinis on the beach with my eyes closed k? oh ick.. no martinis... margueritas.. yeah that's the ticket. Can you hear the surf yet?